"Free Love." Is it Really Free?
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by Bekah Ferguson www.bekahferguson.com Some people have sex because they're in love. Others have sex because everyone else is; or for fear they'll lose their partner if they don't. Still others have sex to try and boost their self-esteem; to feel wanted. And some say they have sex just for fun. Whatever the reasons might be, any sex outside of marriage is defined as "free love" . . . Webster's dictionary defines free love as 1: the practice of living openly with one of the opposite sex without marriage; and 2: sexual relations without any commitments by either partner. 1 Many people consider their choice to have sex to be an act of freedom—Freedom to make their own decisions, freedom to express their love to another, freedom to enjoy physical pleasure without commitment, or the freedom to feel independent and in control of their own body. Webster's dictionary defines freedom as 1: the quality or state of being free: as a : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b : liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : INDEPENDENCE. 2 3 common reasons why people start having sex: 1) “We're in love.” There's nothing like the euphoria of falling in love. When he kisses you, the world around you disappears. You can't imagine life without him. Expressing your love through sex seems only natural, so why wouldn't you take that next step? 2) “I'm afraid he'll leave me for someone else.”Are you sleeping with your boyfriend out of obligation? Do you worry that he'll be bored with you if you don't? Does he pressure you to sleep with him to prove your love? 3) “I need to have sex to feel confident.” Does having sex make you feel more attractive? Does it make you feel wanted and accepted? Do you question your self-worth when you're not having sex? Are these 3 reasons acts of freedom by definition? 1) “We're in love.” If he doesn't intend to marry you, then he isn't fully committed to you. When you give yourself fully to someone and they reject you, the feelings of heartbreak, insecurity and regret can imprison you for many years to come. Freedom is 1: the quality or state of being free. 2) “I'm afraid he'll leave me for someone else.”True love does not demand sex when you aren't ready to give it. True love does not use sex to control or threaten. If you fear he'll leave you if you don't sleep with him, then he's only using you. Freedom is a : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action. 3) “I need to have sex to feel confident.” Sex without love can leave you feeling empty and used. You may find it difficult to maintain a lasting relationship; and multiple partners put you at greater risk of STD's. Freedom is b : liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : INDEPENDENCE. The definition of Free Love conflicts with the definition of Freedom. Why? Because there is no freedom in a broken heart, low self-esteem, accidental pregnancy, or an STD. But why should one wait for marriage when the divorce rates are so high? It seems there is no more guarantee of commitment in marriage than there is outside of marriage. The truth is, there are no guarantees in life. We can't see the future, and people we love and trust sometimes let us down. Simply being married doesn't guarantee your partner won't one day leave you or betray you. SO, WHY WAIT? It's about self-respect. It's about doing the best you can to protect your body and your heart from devastation and enslavement. True sexual freedom is the freedom from coercion, guilt, rejection, accidental pregnancies, and STD'S. Save yourself for a man who is worthy of your love. Allow yourself to find fulfillment in self-respect and dignity. It can be scary to be single—there's the fear you might never find someone. But don't settle for second-rate! Be realistic, but set your scopes high. Many marriages end in divorce, but many marriages do last a lifetime—A lifetime in which two people, fully committed to each other, enjoy each other's companionship and lovemaking with security, confidence and satisfaction. This kind of love is worth waiting for! If you're willing to search for it, you can find it. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7t always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) 1© 2006-2007 Merriam-Webster, Incorporated 2© 2006-2007 Merriam-Webster, Incorporated (c) 2008 - Bekah Ferguson - Abstinence Brochure Permissions: By all means, you are welcome to reproduce and distribute my articles in excerpts or complete format as long as you don't change any of the wording. If you do reproduce any part of my articles, please include the following information: by Bekah Ferguson, Ontario, Canada. www.bekahferguson.com |
